Quickly Updating before talking about ADVERBS

I’m writing a “how to write and publish your stuff” guide for Amazon, and I’m at the part where I’m talking about what/how to write.

I know how to write.  We all do.  It’s simple:  Put words on paper.  Done.

I also know there’s these odd little annoyances called “Rules” which are unwritten laws which say “if you use an adverb, monsters with beer-bottle teeth will come out from under your desk and chomp on your squishy bits.”

Steven King says “The road to hell is paved with Adverbs.”  Well, Stevie, yes and no.

The road to hell is indeed paved with adverbs, but those damn prepositions are down there also.  So are most conjunctures, conjectures and any other writing tool with the prefix “Conj.”  Come to think of it, “Writing Tool” and “Prefix” are on the same road, holding up our feets.

I was always under the impression “Weedy Words” were the enemy in English Literature; you know, words in sentences you can really do without.  Like how I just used “Just” and “Really” and not change the meaning of the sentence?  Come to think of it, isn’t EVERY DAMN PART OF ENGLISH LIT ABOUT WHAT THE DAMN WRITER HIMSELF/HERSELF WISHES TO PUT ON THE PAGE?

If Ernest Hemingway wanted to talk about “A man and the Sea,” it wouldn’t have been as interesting, would it?  The fact he’s old makes a big difference.  In Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World,” the title aptly (gasp I used an adverb, spank me mommy) describes the world the savage is going to see and just how different his life was on the reservation to the new world.

The writers are the ones who choose which words they want to write.  If they want to use adverbs, weedy words and other lazy writing techniques, we should be able to.  And yes, I know I ended the sentence with a preposition.  You want me to re-write it?  Fine:

“…we should be able to, Bitch.”  (Don’t get me started on Passive Voice..  And you’ll see how many times I used it every day…*shudder*)

Writingly,

-Me

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