I woke up this morning in a rush – later for work than I wanted to be especially since my son was coming to work today to see the rencen building.

I have to say, if you’ve never been there, its an amazing place to be. The sights, the stores, the throngs of all different types of people wandering around lost…quite the experience.

My BFF at work picked me up the Apple iPad2 as a gift and ever since coming home, I’ve been depressed like I want to OD and just end it all. I can’t put my finger on why it is, I only know its hot as hell and I don’t want to live in this world anymore. I’m in the verge of tears but I can’t bring myself to cry. How’s that for depressed?

Why or what does this? What brings on this strange effect? Is it the house? I love being here with the kids and my family… Could it be my family themselves? Nothing makes sense and that’s what drives me mad the most.

The depression has no meaning. I was on cloud 9 – laughing and joking with everyone and than wham! Migraine and back pain and just feel like a huge burden on everyone around me. I feel sorry for my wife marissa – maybe even my ex wife which drove her to the madness she harbors even today.

If there was one tie – one link, I could understand, but none of it makes any sense.

Maybe that’s why depression is such a game of trial and error: there is no smoking gun…only whispers of a gunshot.



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